From Clarity to Decision: How to Apply What You Know and Explore What’s Next

You know what you want…but what do you do about it?

If you’re following along with our series, you have likely read step 1 to regulate your nervous system, and step 2 to (re)learn how to listen to yourself and figure out what you truly want. That’s huge progress! If you’re the “let’s get this show on the road” type like me, you probably think that this MUST be the step where you figure out what’s next and get that cooking.

I’m sorry to tell you that we are not QUITE there yet, but we’re close! This step is about taking what you decided you want and applying it to what’s out there in the world that you might do about it. You can think of this step as the “what,” and the next and final step as the “how.” This is figuring out which direction to run, and next is planning out how to actually run there.

A key element of this step is broadening your mind to explore all possibilities, likely including ones you haven’t considered. You probably came into this process with some ideas, some alternative paths that you could take. Figuring out which of the paths to take is probably WHY you’re here at all. But what we’re doing, the whole concept, is stepping back from the specific opportunities and paths in front of you and looking at the core of what you want, what you don’t want, and what might offer that to you. You may be surprised to find that there are more options than you realized when you look at things from a different perspective.

Why the process matters

There are a lot of exercises here to help you brainstorm options for your next step. A LOT. First of all, you don’t have to (and probably shouldn’t) do them all. They’re meant to be a menu, not a homework assignment, so you can do the ones that resonate with you. Second of all, while exercises can feel silly or pointless sometimes, in this case I would argue that they’re important. Have you ever tried brainstorming something by staring at a blank sheet of paper? It’s hard! But likely, that’s what you’ve been doing in theory so far. You’re trying to think your way into the right thing for you by basically using the prompt of “what should I do?” or even “how do I escape this?”.

By working through these exercises and prompts, you’ll give your mind something to work with. You can go outside of what’s right in front of you and broaden your option set. And, importantly, you can write it all down. Things get real fuzzy up in the brain sometimes, especially when we’re trying to make big scary decisions. The simple act of writing down what you want, what you don’t want, and things that could possibly be a fit helps to clarify things in itself.

Criteria Match: assessing fit of current options

The first step here is to apply the lists that you made in the “listening to yourself” post to your current situation. Before we brainstorm and build out the list, let’s start by considering how much of a fit your current options are with what is truly important to you.

To start, pull out your Non-Negotiables and Ideal Characteristics lists (if you haven’t made these yet, see this post for instructions). Make a table – does not need to be fancy, grab a piece of paper and draw a few lines – and put the items on both of these lists in rows down the side, and then put any current next steps that you’re considering across the top in columns. Then, run through each opportunity and mark whether it fits within the Non-Negotiables and Ideal Characteristics or not. Remember, the ideal of Non-Negotiables is that they are a filter, so we’re looking for 100% compliance on that list. For Ideal Characteristics, an opportunity doesn’t necessarily need to fulfill every single one, but it should check some or many of the boxes.

Step back and take a look. How close do these options come to what you want? If they completely fit, that’s great news! Is there anything else holding you back, and if so, what is it? If they don’t fit, that’s ok. Our next step is to work on developing a wider set of options so you can identify whether there are other things out there that fit better.

The GROW framework: expanding the list

Now it’s time to expand our minds, to figure out what else might fit within your criteria that you may not have considered before. We’ll do this through a framework called GROW, which stands for:

• Goal: What does success look like? What am I trying to achieve with this next step?
• Reality: Where am I now? What is working and what isn’t where I am? What constraints do I have to consider?
• Options: What possibilities exist that I’m NOT yet considering? This is where we’ll work through lots of thought starters to build out a long list.
• Way forward: Where do we go from here? Of the long list of options, what fits our lists, and what do I want to either action or test out?

Goal: What are we trying to achieve here?

Before we start working through options, let’s lay out clearly what we’re doing. Not what you’re trying to escape, but what do you want? What is the ideal outcome? Actually write it down – on paper, on your computer, in your phone, whatever works for you. Articulate why you’re doing this process and what you want to end up with.

For example: The track playing repeatedly in your mind might be something like “I hate working with these people / I want to do work that matters / If I’m going to be away from my family I want to feel like I’m making a difference / I need more sleep.” You get it. You are absolutely valid in thinking those things. For this, though, let’s look away from that and define what you want. Some things may be the opposite of the “I hates.” There is likely more, though. “I want to wake up excited to go to work / I want to feel like I can go to my son’s baseball games without panicking about missing something / I want to make more money / F*** the money, you can have it, I want to enjoy my days.” Again, it’ll be different for everyone.

Sit with this for a few minutes. Try to get the current situation out of your mind. If you were crafting your ideal, what would it be?

Reality

Aaand we’re back. I told you in the last step to ignore reality…now it’s time to face it. Where are you now? What constraints exist that you know you’ll need to work around? What needs to remain and what doesn’t? Are there constraints that actually could be flexed or don’t have to be there? The idea is to set a baseline for where you are, and to look at it critically to make sure that you’re not limiting yourself unnecessarily.

For example: I work 80 hours per week, but I have limited control over which hours which I hate because I can’t keep promises to my kids about when I’ll see them. I make $200K per year and I can’t make less. I feel energized when a deal goes through, but the minutiae of getting to that point makes me crazy. I don’t care at all about the content of what I do.

Do you see the assumptions baked in there? Let’s unpack a few of them.

• Hours: Focus is on control of hours so you can keep promises to the kids. Would less overall hours solve it? Or a role where you may need to be on call, but issues or questions can be solved from a phone wherever you are? Can you identify a few protected hours weekly within your current role? What options are there?
• Money: Ah, such a big one. Force some broad thinking here. If the job was different would you need less money? Is there childcare that wouldn’t be needed, or a location requirement? We can get stuck on a number without fully thinking through the implications. Just explore.
• Energy: What about the deal close do you love? Does it have to do with the financial impact, or the feeling of accomplishment, or what is it? Where else could you replicate that? On the other side, are there ways that you could get support on the tasks that you hate?
• The work: Do you truly not care about the content, or do you not care because this isn’t a topic area that’s of interest to you? If you had a job working on something you love, how would you feel? Try to imagine that day. What would it feel like? Would an opportunity to do that change anything about the other criteria?

Again, write all of this down. That way, you can come back to it as you’re thinking through options.

Options: Brainstorming the long list

We’ve arrived at the big task, and the fun one, in my opinion. Sky is the limit here. There are many exercises and thought starters, and again, the idea is that you choose from these like a menu, not plod through them like a homework assignment. Hopefully, you feel inspired, excited, energized by this. If it begins to feel oppressive or you feel hopeless or fearful, that is normal and ok too. If that’s true for you, the last section here covers managing fear around this process. You can take a look at that first if you like. Or, you may try diving into the exercises here and see if some of the ideas that spark help to change your mind.

There are three approaches to this section, depending on where you are and what you need. You also may resonate with some from different buckets, and that’s ok too. Use what sparks something in you. Don’t forget to write it all down.

• Dealing with Disconnection: for those who have lost all energy for what they’re doing and need to find it again
  • Appreciative Inquiry: “When have you felt most alive/energized at work? What was present?”
  • What’s working: “What’s working now that you want more of?”
  • Amplify strengths: “If you could amplify one aspect of your current work, what would it be?”
  • Energy audit review: “Looking at your energy audit—what roles/industries/companies would give you more energizing activities?”
  • Mostly energizing week: “What would a ‘mostly energizing’ week look like?”
  • Ikigai framework: What you love + What you’re good at + What the world needs + What you can be paid for
• Stuck in Shoulds: for those who are living out what they think others want, or their prior self wanted, but not what they want now and need to give themselves permission to make a move
  • Money constraint removed: “If money wasn’t a factor, what would you do?”
  • Opinion constraint removed: “If you didn’t care what anyone thought, what would you try?”
  • Time pressure: “If you had to decide in 24 hours, what would your gut say?”
  • Future self: “What would the 80-year-old version of you want you to try?”
  • Scary exciting test: “What option makes you equally terrified and excited?”
  • Reverse failure: “What would you do if you knew you WOULD fail?” (removes pressure of success)
  • Permission to try: “What would you try if you knew you couldn’t fail?”
  • Lateral thinking (friend advice): “What would you advise your best friend to do in this situation?”
• Support to Keep Charging: for those who know they want to keep building and climbing, but need to find a way to make it more sustainable so they can continue long term
  • Identity/role exploration: “Who do you want to become in the next chapter?”
  • Work’s role in life: “What role do you want work to play in your life?” (primary, secondary, minimal?)
  • Current optimization target: “Are you optimizing for growth, stability, or freedom right now?”
  • Portfolio approach: “What if you didn’t have to pick ONE thing? What’s a portfolio of activities?”
  • Part-time hybrid: “Could you do X part-time and Y part-time?”
  • Lateral thinking (friend advice): “What would you advise your best friend to do in this situation?”
  • Jobs-to-be-done: “What ‘job’ do you want your career to do for you?” (income, meaning, flexibility, status, learning)

As promised, MANY ways to brainstorm. Do what fits for you. When you’ve gone as far as you can or want to, assemble your list together, and meet me in the next section.

Way Forward: putting it all together and choosing next steps

You’ve assessed your situation, you’ve made your lists, you have everything you need. It’s time to put it all together. Take your long list of ideas from the Options section and filter each one through your Non-Negotiables and Ideal Characteristics lists. Rank them by how many each one fulfills. Take the high scorers and rank them further by your reaction to them, and ask yourself what’s driving that. If you have ties, write out the things that are causing you to rank one over another so you can see it in black and white. Apply the prior “Reality” filter again here – are there any assumptions that aren’t true in a different scenario? Is there another way to make it work?

At the end, you’ll have a ranked list. In our next step, we’ll put this into action, and for that you’ll need 1-3 options that you want to either move forward with or test out. You may have a clear winner, in which case we’ll work through implementing that and taking on the required identity to make it stick. If you have a top 2-3, we’ll talk about how to run tiny experiments to help you test out different options and select one. In any case, narrow down your list, and we’ll see you in the next post.

When fear keeps you frozen

First of all, this is completely normal. Everyone is here at some point. The key is to take steps to keep it moving and not stay stuck, which is completely possible. There are a few different approaches that you can try; again, it’s a menu and not a homework assignment, so do what works for you.

• Fear setting: This comes from Tim Ferriss, adapted from Stoic philosophy. The concept is simple: to look the worst-case scenario square in the face, rather than avoid it, and work through what that would mean and what you would do if it happened. It takes away the power when you stop avoiding it and address it head-on. It’s essentially a set of questions, and the idea is to grab some paper (I know, more paper!) and work through them.
  • Define the worst-case scenario: What is the absolute worse that could happen if you do this? Maybe you lose your job, for some reason you also lose your reputation (unclear) and you have to move back in with your parents or sibling, or your husband / wife has to change their work situation, or whatever it would be. Maybe you can’t work in your prior industry anymore. Whatever it is, write it down.
  • Reality check: Look at your worst-case scenario and bring some rationality back to the party. How likely is that it would actually happen? If it did happen, is some or all of it permanent? What steps could you take to mitigate the situation, both before it fully unfolded and after? It’s likely more manageable than you think. For example, let’s say you leave your job. Reality check: How long would you realistically be unemployed with your skills? What’s your actual savings runway? What could you do in month 1, 2, 3 to prevent the worst case?
  • More likely scenarios: What is more likely to happen? What are the benefits and positive outcomes that would come from those? Think about the external situation (job, day to day experience, etc) as well as the internal impacts (confidence, enjoyment of day, etc). How likely is it that there would be at least a moderately good outcome?
  • If you were fired today: If the decision was taken out of your hands and you were fired today, what steps would you take immediately to take back financial and professional control? Play that out through the prior few questions – what’s the worst and best that could happen?
  • What action do you fear?: What is it, specifically, that you are putting off doing? Is it a hard conversation at work, or leaving a situation you hate but is comfortable, or admitting to your loved ones that you want to take a different path? There’s usually some specific thing that’s blocking the whole path, and it can start a cascade of action if you get it out of the way.
• Tradeoffs: This technically is a step in fear setting, but it’s so critical I’m giving it its own section. It likely feels most comfortable to stay where you are, but what are you giving up by doing that? It’s not as obvious because it’s hypothetical, but there are very real costs to staying the same. Let’s think through them.
  • If you have even a moderately successful outcome to whatever you want to do, what do you lose by doing it in a year instead of now? If you started now, where would you be in a year (e.g., making $X money, enjoying your days for X amount of time, health conditions improved because of lower stress, X more hours with your loved ones)?
  • In five years, would you look back and be disappointed by how much time you spent in a miserable circumstance? In 20 years?
  • Who will you become if you do the thing you’re dreaming of and it works out? How much of that are you sacrificing by waiting to start?
• Building parachutes: Not everything is irreversible, and there are very often ways to dip a toe in without going the full way. We’ll get further into this in the next step, but here are some thought starters for now.
  • Financial cushion: Is there a scenario where you can set up your income to be sufficient while allowing yourself time to work on something you truly want? E.g., shifting to an independent consulting scenario, or a role with less hours / travel, etc?
  • Test boundaries: Maybe your goal is to remain where you are, but make it more sustainable. Can you test out boundaries in a small way? Perhaps choose one thing each week and talk to your boss about it being non-negotiable time, etc.
  • Test an interest: Are you considering a shift, but not yet certain enough that you’ll love it? Can you start a side hustle, find a way to volunteer in the area you’re interested in, take on “beta” (free / cheap intro) clients, ask to shadow someone? What would help you feel more certain? There’s likely a way to try it.

Next steps

Now that we’ve worked through our lists, you have either one or a few paths that you want to move forward with. In the next and final installment, we’ll work through how to take action, ways to experiment before jumping, how to take on the identity of your next step, and more.