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If you have been along for the whole ride, you’ll have regulated your nervous system in step 1, learned to listen to yourself in step 2, and fully explored options for you and made a decision in step 3. First of all, congratulations! That’s a bunch of work and progress. And…there’s a little more. The most important part, one might argue. It’s time to do the damn thing.
How does one actually do this thing, you might ask? Two big steps: one is to become the person and step into the identity of the person who does this. The other is to either a) take action on your plan (if you chose one path in step 3) or b) run “tiny experiments” and test out your shortlist of options (if you chose a few final contender options in step 3). Keep reading for more on how to do all of this.
Identity Work: Become the person who does this
You may be tempted to skip this part and go DO. I completely get it, I was that person for a long time. “That’s cute, you sit in a circle and hold hands and chant, I’ll be off actually getting some shit done.” There are certainly some touchy-feely things that aren’t useful, but please believe me when I tell you that this isn’t one of them. Identity is immensely powerful; so much so that it actually caps or controls who you can become and how far you can go. That’s why it’s completely critical to consciously address it.
Said another way, you won’t be able to sustain change if it conflicts with your identity. If you believe you’re a person who says yes to everything, attempting to set boundaries at work will not work. It just won’t. We automatically act based on who we believe we are. And guess who gets to decide who you believe you are? YOU. You may have allowed other people to heavily influence that – what your parents always told you, or what you see in society, or whatever it is for you, but ultimately YOU are the only one who decides. You can choose to ignore all of those things, to be a different person. But that’s just it – you have to decide.
An interesting source of this work is Psycho-Cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz. He was a plastic surgeon, and he found that when he did work on people, they typically did not change their view of themselves. For example, if they thought they had a huge nose and that’s the reason they couldn’t find love, they still saw themselves that way (and unable to find love) after they had their nose fixed. This caused him to look further into the concept of identity, and he developed Psycho-Cybernetics as a result.
Dr. Maltz uses the example of a thermostat to demonstrate the point. Your self-image or identity acts as a “set point” for you, similar to the thermostat setting. Just as the AC kicks on if the temperature rises higher than the set point, we will act in a way that moves us back to our set point (situation) if we go beyond it. For example, if we believe we’re someone who sacrifices and suffers to have success and move up professionally, we will find a way to experience that, even in a not-so-intense job. If we believe we’re a morning person and we start setting the alarm to get up early, we’ll hit snooze repeatedly and continue to get up late. BUT if we adjust our identity to align with whatever the thing is we want to do, it’s the opposite – we begin to act in ways that easily get us to the thing we’ve become.
But how do we actually go about changing our identity? It’s simple, but not easy. There are a few steps, but the key is consistency and sticking to the new identity until it’s natural.
- Step 1: Acknowledge your current identity
- Who are you being that you want to change? It can be anything. “I’m a person who always gets the short end of the stick.” “It’s really hard for me to move up at work.” “I don’t get to do anything I enjoy to make money.” I’m always too busy, I can never catch up.”
- The key is to identify it, name it, and know that you want to change.
- Step 2: Select the new identity that you want
- Use present tense, “I am X.” Very straightforward.
- “I am always on top of my calendar.” “I’m a successful professional who gets promoted.” “I am a person who makes good money and loves what I do.” Whatever it is for you.
- Step 3: Live it. There are two ways to do this – in real life and mental rehearsals:
- Real life: Start making decisions that align with this new identity. Want to do work you enjoy? Start figuring out what you’d even want to do. Want to be a person who sets boundaries at work? Think about what boundaries you want and try one. What are the micro-decisions that this person makes? What do they stop tolerating?
- Mental rehearsal: At the same time as the real life steps, imagine yourself being the thing you want. You likely can’t force yourself immediately into it (a promotion is ultimately someone else’s decision, of course) but you can imagine yourself in that new role, how you would feel, what you would do, all of that. Imagine who you would be as the identity that you want.
Again – simple, but not easy. You’ll need to loop step 3 for awhile before it starts to feel normal and not like you’re making a change. It will happen, but you can’t stop until the new identity is in place.
Time to take action
We left step 3, identifying options and making a decision, with either one or a few options for moving forward. If you chose ONE option, this section is for you. If you chose a few and your next step is to experiment, you can jump to the next section and come back here once you’re down to one.
For those of you with the decision made – let’s do this thing. Make sure you’re continuing to do your identity work towards whatever decision you’ve made, and start taking steps. If you’re changing jobs, secure the next job and / or give notice. If you’re putting up boundaries, plan for and have the talk with your boss. If you’re exploring a new path, make yourself a plan and start working towards it. Whatever it is for you, start executing.
If you’ve made the decision but still feel paralyzed, that’s normal. Go back to the fear-setting work in Step 3. Work through worst-case scenarios, build your parachutes, then start. Sometimes ‘just do it’ means ‘do the first small thing,’ not ‘blow everything up at once.’ Take the next logical step, then the next. Action is action, as long as you’re moving forward. Once you’re in motion, the next step will feel easier.
Mini experiments: low-stakes ways to test out a new path
If you have a shortlist of possible next steps, this is the section for you. Instead of running full-force into something you’re not totally sure about, you can test it out. There are many ways to do this, and how exactly you do yours will depend on what you’re experimenting with. But the idea is to find a way to live in the new world for a short time so you can see how you react. Whatever that looks like for you.
First, identify the following things for each experiment you’re running. These will ensure that it remains an experiment and not a random set of actions with no clear outcome.
- Mini experiment structure:
- Hypothesis: What do you want to prove or disprove with this experiment?
- Example: I would love to shift from working for a corporation to offering the same work on a freelance basis. OR I want to live in X city and work remotely / work for a new job [different experiment].
- Experiment: Identify which of the items from the list below (“Experiment examples”), or from your own ideas, you’ll do during this time. Write them down and commit fully to doing them.
- Data collection: What are you tracking? It’s likely more about your personal feelings and reactions to these things, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be tracked. It matters less precisely what you choose and more that you choose something and stick with it for the duration so that you can spot patterns. Here are some examples of things you might track daily / at set intervals / after conversations:
- Timeline: How long will this experiment last? At what point will you stop and reflect on the experience, what you tracked, and make a go / no go decision?
- Hypothesis: What do you want to prove or disprove with this experiment?
As you move through these experiments, stay attuned to your body. Remember step 2, and that it’s a continual process to check in and hear what your body is trying to say. Continue with nervous system work from step 1, also. Consider a regular journal throughout that you can review at the end. Remember that this isn’t only a go / no go, it’s also a “how.” This means that you may learn that the experiment isn’t the right thing, but you have a new idea for something that might be. Or your original idea, just executed a different way. Remain open to the path that reveals itself.
Experiment examples
As you review the below of ways you might experiment, keep in mind that likely only a few sections are relevant to you. Focus on those.
Changing topic area / industry
- Take a weekend workshop or online course in the new field
- Do 3 informational interviews with people in that industry
- Volunteer or shadow someone for a day/week
- Start a side project related to the new area (blog, consulting project, etc)
- Join a professional association and attend 2 events
- Read or listen to 5 books/podcasts in the space and track your energy level throughout
- Example: “I think I want to work in sustainability” → Take a 4-week online course on ESG, join a sustainability networking group, do 3 coffee chats with people in the field
Changing work format
- Corporate to self-employed / freelance
- Take on one freelance project while still employed
- Set up basic business infrastructure (LLC, website) to see how it feels
- Track income/expenses for three months to understand cash flow and see how you like owning various functions like finances
- Work your “freelance hours” (eg, no meetings after 3pm) for a month
- Price out health insurance and calculate true cost of leaving
- Consider employing Noah Kagan’s Million Dollar Weekend approach – he lays out how to test an idea very quickly
- Self-employed to corporate
- Take a contract role first (less commitment than full-time)
- Join a coworking space to test structured environment
- Set “office hours” for yourself to simulate corporate schedule
- Full-time to part-time
- Negotiate a four-day week trial for three months
- Take unpaid leave for one month to test reduced income
- Calculate actual budget on reduced salary and live it for 90 days
- In-person to remote
- Work from home 2-3 days/week for a month
- Do an intro month at a co-working space, if you would consider working there
- Try “digital nomad” life for a month if considering that
Getting into or out of the workforce
- Leaving workforce (sabbatical, retirement, full-time parenting)
- Take 2-4 weeks PTO to simulate the lifestyle
- Build activities/structure you’d have without work
- Track how you feel without work identity
- Calculate financial runway and practice living on that budget
- Returning to workforce
- Start with consulting/project work before committing full-time
- Volunteer in your field to test the waters
- Take on a part-time role first
- Update skills with a course or certification
- Downshifting (high pressure job to lower pressure)
- Take a lower-stakes project at current job
- Reduce hours for a trial period
- Say no to all optional work for 1 month and see what happens
Changing geography
- Visit for 2-4 weeks (not just a weekend)
- Stay in the neighborhood you’d actually live in, in an Airbnb or similar to get the feel for residential, not tourist life
- Test out core local places for you / family, e.g., gym, kids or dog parks, daycare, coffee shops
- Work remotely from there if possible
- Research schools, costs, commute times
- Join local online groups to understand community, drop into group meetings while visiting if possible
Staying put but changing the situation
- Setting boundaries
- Leave at 6pm for two weeks, no exceptions
- Don’t check email after 7pm for one month
- Block “focus time” on calendar and protect it
- Say no to one category of meeting for four weeks
- Block important family commitments on your calendar and protect them
- Changing role within company
- Ask to lead a project in the area you want to move toward
- Job shadow someone in the role you’re considering
- Take on stretch assignments to test interest
- Request informational meeting with leader in that function
- Delegate more
- Identify 3 tasks to delegate this month
- Train someone and fully hand off
- Track your time/energy impact
Finishing an experiment: assessing the results and deciding on next steps
Once you’ve completed your experiment, look back over what you tracked, and reflect on your reaction overall. Revisit your hypothesis. Do you have a clear and definitive answer to whether you’ve proven or disproven it? If yes, you’re ready to move forward. If no, what questions remain in your mind? If it’s fear based, return to step 3 and the last section around overcoming fear. If it’s uncertainty over what an element would feel like or how it would play out, is there another experiment you can do to validate it? Is there research that would answer the question? Treat it like a project to be completed, as objective as possible, using your reactions as guides towards the next action to be taken.
If you like this concept and want more on it, Tiny Experiments by Anne-Laure Le Cunff is another great resource to dive deeper.
If you had a few options to consider, it may be time to move onto the next experiment for the next option. If so, scroll right back up, walk through the steps to set up the experiment, and execute. Once you’ve completed all of them, choose one, and take action. Nothing brings clarity like action.
Moving forward with clarity
At this point, hopefully you have identified next steps, whether that’s a clear path, a set of ideas to try, or a plan to get there. Keep in mind, though, that this isn’t a finite process. We’ll continue to grow and iterate. In a few years, or a few months, you may want to change something. That’s ok. You’ll make your way there.
The key is to continue the steps, over and over:
- Regulate your nervous system: this ensures that you are in a state where your mind can work at its best
- Listen to yourself and your body: keep your voice front and center, not someone else’s, not the “shoulds”
- Remain open to ideas and new paths: just because you’ve gotten to a certain place, it doesn’t mean you have to or should stay there
- Embody the identity that you want and take action, big or small: whether by experimenting, or just taking a leap, and always monitor your identity to make sure you’re living as the person you want to be
I will leave you with my favorite quote. Love the questions, and live everything.
“I beg you, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” -Rainer Maria Rilke
